The post-sex rush of oxytocin and other pleasure and bonding hormones can make casual sex fun and addictive. But it doesn’t mean that love and affection is inevitable.
Sealed Off Sex
‘Sealed off sex’ is sex where you are focused primarily on your own physical experience of pleasure. Because it is so focused on exclusively physical sensations, sex that doesn’t incorporate emotional intimacy eventually requires ever-increasing stimuli to stay interesting and arousing. Research has actually found that sexual satisfaction is more limited in these kind of encounters because there is no feedback loop with the other person.
In encounters that incorporate feeling connected, your emotional attunement means that you are aware of the joy and pleasure of the other person, and that brings you even higher. So, while you don’t need emotional intimacy to have sexual connection, emotional intimacy is going to actually give you better sex.
Even the healthiest relationships have moments of strain. Trust is actually built in these moments - when we can repair and draw close to one another, it makes the relationship feel safe and secure. Even on a physical level, our ability to respond with arousal and pleasure is only possible to the extent that we feel safe.